I can't believe I've finally begun the last step towards completing a journey that had begun many years ago.  There are so many things to say.  So many things to be thankful for.  God has given me sweet roommates, great professors, great mentors, an inspiring church, a community that fosters spiritual growth, and a seminary that encourages deep personal introspection.  Yet the only thing I can see through all of this is my undeservedness.  How do I avoid the pitfalls of pride in both ways:  self-exaltation and self-debasement?  On the one hand, God keeps blessing me with new opportunities to serve in ways that continually remind me that these opportunities would not have come to me apart from Him.  Wheaton, Taiwan, and Fuller are all acts of God's grace in my life.  No amount of social connection, academic ability, or personal achievement opened the door to those opportunities--only God.  And I see the parallels with the blessing of roommates, Reality LA (church and community group), and the burgeoning relationships that have begu with members of my cohort.  From what I can tell none could be attributed to anything that I did or say.  That is just my perspective.  I only see my failures and the areas where I can improve.

Yet, I realize that this perspective is also a form of pride.  But how do I give myself any credit when it seems like everything that I've ever learned in life from God is that I can accomplish nothing without Him?  How do I accept some personal accomplishment when in every circumstance God has confirmed success through Him?  How do I take appropriate credit?  I was saved because of God's blessing, I met Zach and company because of God's blessing, I was accepted to Wheaton because of God's blessing, I met Caleb and company because of God's blessing, I was admitted into the ICU because of God's blessing, I was at death's door because of God's blessing, I recovered because of God's blessing, I graduated from Wheaton because of God's blessing, I was chosen to go to Taiwan because of God's blessing, I came back and served in BBC because of God's blessing, and I was accepted into FTS's M.S. MFT program because of God's blessing.  Everything I've every done, am doing, and will do is all because of God's blessing.  How do I take any credit for that?

Sometimes we get too jaded by all the praise people say and forget the source of our success.  The mark of a true Christian is not what he does in trials, though it is infinitely important how a Christian weathers pain and suffering, but how he endures success.  What happens after a God brings you out of that trial?  How do you respond after suffering produces a particular spiritual gift which then leads you to do great things?  Do you remember the catalyst that ignited your flame?  Or do you only remember the embers you made and the ash you blow around?  There's a danger in this dual definition of pride that may trap some.  Remembering your uselessness apart from Christ, BUT your effectiveness because of Christ isn't pride but is, what I believe, true humility.