Hopeful Uncertainty

Thursday, February 27, 2014

I love the TV show, Burn Notice. And its values are culturally significant: loyalty, trust, honor, and responsibility, are things rarely put on display in a real manner. These characters are flawed; they all have weaknesses and blind spots. But put them together in a community, and what you find is that their giftings and strengths mesh with each other's weaknesses. Sometimes life sucks, you may lose close friends or siblings, some day life may seem out to get you, but if you have the courage and the guts to trust your friends and family, hope can remain even in the hardest of times. It's not perfect, but the task of striving to construct a resilient support system is a critical element to thriving in a life that so many times does not allow for joy and happiness to be a regular ingredient.

If you don’t know the story, Michael, the main character, is an ex-CIA agent that has been burned, which means he had been more or less fired for a reason unknown to him.  The TV show tracks him as he tries to put his life back together and tries to find out what and who got him fired.  The show tracks the people he meets along the way and the friends he makes.  It also sheds light on the toll the process of redemption subjects upon him, physically, emotionally, and socially.  The cost this process will require will push him to a breaking point, and Michael must choose between the CIA and his closest friends and family.  He’s tired of the pain of losing friends and family; he’s tired of all the lies; and he’s tired and scared of the man he is become in this process.

I don't always make it a habit of letting TV shows get to me. But somehow this show gets under my skin and makes me raw. I think it's because I see a lot of myself in the main character. He is who he is because of the relationships he's had in his past; and the way he survives the present is because of the friends and family with him. The friends I have are the most important thing in my life. There is nothing I wouldn't do for them, for you. You all have made it possible for me to get where I am, and you will be the ones that get me to tomorrow. I understand his pain and fears.

This program and by extension this practice is stressful and demanding.  It forces us to adapt to and rise to the challenge of it; but the fear that stands in the back of our minds is what happens to me?  This job is going to affect my worldview and my perception of humanity.  When I look at a stranger what do I see?  Do I see the child they are, and their eternal preciousness?  Do I see them as Christ saw them when He was struggling up the road to the cross, and with each face He saw, He said, “worth it.”  For the joy set before Him, He endured the Cross.  Do I see the homeless teen, the widowed mother, the alcohol addicted father, the abused child, the enslaved daughter, and cancer-fighting grandparent and their families part of the joy that gave Christ the reason to endure an eternity’s worth of pain and suffering to give us an eternity’s worth of joy and happiness?  Or will I only see the pain, the stress, and the confusion that haunt their lives?  We are all called to be agents of reconciliation this is a given.  But how we reconcile makes all the difference.  Towards what end are we reconciling, to hope or to hopelessness?  Time will only tell.  And that is the problem.  15 years from now, who will I be?  What kind of man will I have become?

I can't believe I've finally begun the last step towards completing a journey that had begun many years ago.  There are so many things to say.  So many things to be thankful for.  God has given me sweet roommates, great professors, great mentors, an inspiring church, a community that fosters spiritual growth, and a seminary that encourages deep personal introspection.  Yet the only thing I can see through all of this is my undeservedness.  How do I avoid the pitfalls of pride in both ways:  self-exaltation and self-debasement?  On the one hand, God keeps blessing me with new opportunities to serve in ways that continually remind me that these opportunities would not have come to me apart from Him.  Wheaton, Taiwan, and Fuller are all acts of God's grace in my life.  No amount of social connection, academic ability, or personal achievement opened the door to those opportunities--only God.  And I see the parallels with the blessing of roommates, Reality LA (church and community group), and the burgeoning relationships that have begu with members of my cohort.  From what I can tell none could be attributed to anything that I did or say.  That is just my perspective.  I only see my failures and the areas where I can improve.

Yet, I realize that this perspective is also a form of pride.  But how do I give myself any credit when it seems like everything that I've ever learned in life from God is that I can accomplish nothing without Him?  How do I accept some personal accomplishment when in every circumstance God has confirmed success through Him?  How do I take appropriate credit?  I was saved because of God's blessing, I met Zach and company because of God's blessing, I was accepted to Wheaton because of God's blessing, I met Caleb and company because of God's blessing, I was admitted into the ICU because of God's blessing, I was at death's door because of God's blessing, I recovered because of God's blessing, I graduated from Wheaton because of God's blessing, I was chosen to go to Taiwan because of God's blessing, I came back and served in BBC because of God's blessing, and I was accepted into FTS's M.S. MFT program because of God's blessing.  Everything I've every done, am doing, and will do is all because of God's blessing.  How do I take any credit for that?

Sometimes we get too jaded by all the praise people say and forget the source of our success.  The mark of a true Christian is not what he does in trials, though it is infinitely important how a Christian weathers pain and suffering, but how he endures success.  What happens after a God brings you out of that trial?  How do you respond after suffering produces a particular spiritual gift which then leads you to do great things?  Do you remember the catalyst that ignited your flame?  Or do you only remember the embers you made and the ash you blow around?  There's a danger in this dual definition of pride that may trap some.  Remembering your uselessness apart from Christ, BUT your effectiveness because of Christ isn't pride but is, what I believe, true humility.

"The Road not Taken"

Date:  Wednesday, June 12, 2013

It has now been 1 year since my departure from the Minneapolis International Airport to begin my 6 month adventure in Taipei, Taiwan.  So much has changed; so much I've experienced—all because of the faithfulness of God and your support either through prayer or by your tangible financial gifts.  I want to use this time to update you on where I am, and what God has in store for me in the near future.

Before I begin, I want to summarize, as briefly as I can my motivation for going to Taiwan, and what God has done to strengthen and grow my faith through this cross-cultural experience.  It all began when I decided to take a class on the book of Revelations, taught by Dr. Chris Vlachos during my last semester of my senior at Wheaton College, IL.  One of the greatest takeaways from this course to me was the significance of missions.  God used this course to completely change my opinion on global missions, and where I would fit into His kingdom plan.

Previously, I thought missions were a bit outdated, and not the ministry-focus for my life.  But as the book study continued and Dr. Vlachos began to unpack the deeper meanings in Revelations, I realized just how wrong I was.  As the world begins to crumble, and all normalcy fades away, the need for missions becomes greater not less.  I began to understand the importance of missions in the life of the Christian--particularly its ability to provide direction and meaning to an otherwise directionless and meaningless life.  Furthermore, after a prolonged inner searching, I came to the conclusion that as a Christian I could not, in good conscience, live a life separate from the Great Commission.  Though I did not (and still don't) feel a calling to an active missionary role, I felt I had a responsibility to be deeply involved in a supporting role.

Having come to this conclusion, I began a search for organizations and programs that might give me an opportunity to test myself to see if this really was God's will for me, or if it was just a fleeting opinion of mine.  After months of calling and emailing to various missions organizations along with sporadic email conversations with my missions’ pastor at my home church, I came up empty.  Shoot, I really thought this was what God wanted me to do.  After all that I had experienced in college, I really thought that He wanted this for me.  This was before finals.  Afterwards, during a family dinner before commencement, my mom asked me if I had any plans for my mission’s trip.  After telling her that despite my best efforts and the aid of my missions’ pastor, we had come up with nothing.  No one was taking mid-term applicants.  None of my church's global partners could take an intern.  There was nothing.

But God had other plans.

In the months before, my mother was calling her friends to tell them of my plans for the summer and fall.  One of the friends she called was one that I would eventually work for in Taiwan.  Mr. and Mrs. Yang are pastors at Taipei Truth Lutheran Church in downtown Taipei.  After telling them briefly, of my plans and my desire to study family counseling in addition to my desire for a cross-cultural experience, they express a desire to host me and provide every opportunity to me to both grow as a Christian in an overseas experience and to open up their church to assist in my growth both as a disciple of Christ and also to assist my growth as a future counselor!  Throughout my entire experience, they have always been so helpful and hospitable to me and wisdom an endless source of praise.

During the first half of my time in Taiwan, I was involved in an after-school program known as Love Net.  It is a program specially tailored to at-risk teens, providing them with tutors, a bible study, and sports camps.  These kids are usually either at-risk of being institutionalized for bad behavior or failing a grade in school.  The children represented in Love Net are supposed to represent the worst Taipei has, the "problem" kids.  Children labeled as failures and rejects.  The reality, however, was markedly different.  Having been raised in an environment that constantly reminded them of their failures; they began to accept their new identities and live up to all that was being said of them, whether or not it was true to begin with or not.  This is not to say they did not have problems, who doesn't, but their behavior and success are a testament to the power of Gospel love.

The second half of my 6 month experience in Taiwan, God provided me with the opportunity to mentor a child in Grace Catholic Christian School (GCCS) in the Songshan district of Taipei.  In addition to this mentorship, I also became involved in the child/teen counseling ministries in Truth Lutheran Church (TLC).  After months of praying for counseling experiences, God provided not one but two opportunities to grow as a counselor.  All told, by the time I had concluded my overseas experience I had the opportunity to minister to 3 teens/young adults in the two venues:  GCCS and TLC.

The more I think back to all that I have experienced in Taiwan, the more I am amazing at God's ability to provide and answer prayers.  One of the most amazing testimonies of His faithfulness was God's financial provision to me over the 6 months.  In the beginning, I went to Taiwan with the promise of being partially support by TLC, which affected how much I raised prior to leaving the States.  But as the trip progressed it became clearer that TLC would not be able to provide the support they had promised me in the early planning stages of the trip.  However, as the trip came to an end, I realized that the amount God provided me when I sent out my support letters was the perfect amount down to the cent!  Despite all my anxiety and nights spent worrying over whether the money would last, God's provision proved enough--His grace WAS sufficient.

As I reflect upon my many blessings this past year, I will never forget God's all sufficiency, faithfulness, and the joy found in devoted service to His will.

Since returning to the States, I've been working part-time as an IT assistant at the Short-Term Ministry and Mobilization department located in the downtown campus of Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minneapolis, MN.  My current responsibilities involve maintaining and organizing the department's website and Google apps accounts and multi-media organization and editing.  It has been such a blessing to be in-tune with all that God is doing throughout the world through our short-term teams and global partners.  It has been such a privilege to be informed and plugged into a different news cycle:  God's news.

So what's next?  Well, by God's grace I was accepted to Fuller Seminary's Masters of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy graduate program.  The plan now is to move to Pasadena, CA, in late July; classes start late September.  This 2 year graduate program will prepare me for licensure in the states of Arizona and California.  Eventually I want to specialize in child psychology specifically in teens and young adults.  In addition to being a therapist, my experience in Love Net has given me a passion for at-risk individuals.  Consequently, I would like to volunteer for the Crisis Hot line in California.  In addition to all of these interests, I would like to pursue involvement in a missions supporting capacity.  Namely, I would like to either participate in a non-profit organization that provides services to missionary families or possibly start my own ministry.  God has definitely laid a lot on my heart, a lot of ministries to be involve in and people that need an advocate, someone that believes in them even with the world and their family has years since stopped believing in them.

I want to thank all of you for all that you are doing and have done to make me who I am today.  Many of you have given so much of yourselves in helping develop me into the person I am today.  My faith and identity in Christ wouldn't have been possible without your ministry in my life.  And for that I am eternally indebted to you.  Thank you so much.

God Experienced

Here's an entry from my journal reflecting upon Genesis 32:1-8,

Jacob went on his way, and God’s angels met him. When he saw them, Jacob said, “This is God’s camp.” So he called that place Mahanaim.
Jacob sent messengers ahead of him to his brother Esau in the land of Seir, the country of Edom. He commanded them, “You are to say to my lord Esau, ‘This is what your servant Jacob says. I have been staying with Laban and have been delayed until now. I have oxen, donkeys, flocks, male and female slaves. I have sent this message to inform my lord, in order to seek your favor. ’”
When the messengers returned to Jacob, they said, “We went to your brother Esau; he is coming to meet you — and he has 400 men with him.” Jacob was greatly afraid and distressed; he divided the people with him into two camps, along with the flocks, cattle, and camels. He thought, “If Esau comes to one camp and attacks it, the remaining one can escape.”

////
Sometimes the most amazing verses in the Bible are the ones seemingly passed over by the author, and if you're not careful you might pass over them too. Having just finished a lengthy meeting with his father-in-law, Laban, Jacob is finally set free from his bonds to his father-in-law and allowed to return to the promise land to begin a new chapter in his life. Sandwiched between these two significant events in his life is this tiny verse celebrating the LORD's visible presence in his life. Yet notice in proceeding verses just how quickly Jacob forgets who is on his side, fear of his brother's past desire for vengeance has blinded him and caused Jacob to forget what and who he saw moments before.

Take a lesson from Jacob. David, you have experienced God in physically tangible ways in your life, on a hospital bed in Layette, IN; on a park bench in Wheaton, IL; and in a dorm room in Taipei, TW, ROC. You, David, have witnessed to the glory of God acted out in your life, don't forget. DON'T forget! Don't let fear of the world, people and earthly events, shake your assurance. Remain ground in the firm foundation that is found in the mighty hand of God.
////

So many of us are quick to forget our past God-experiences. Too quick to fear present terrors. Too blinded to remember God's forever presence in our life. The point here in Genesis 32 is, "DON'T FORGET!" When trials come, when hopelessness arrives, don't forget, I am here. One of my favorite verses is found in Luke 22:31-32,

“Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.”

The LORD is present, and He is praying for you. When you recover, after all the dust has settled; strengthen your brothers. Don't have such a naive view of suffering that you think God has just you in mind when He tests your faith. Strengthen your brothers, David. After Taiwan, after Wheaton, after _________; strengthen YOUR brothers. But in all things remember, I'm with you; I'll never forsake you.

The End

Date:  Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Day 140 of 142

So....remember when I can't count?  Yeah, apparently I can graduate from Wheaton College, IL, a premiere  Christian liberal arts university and simple addition/counting can be too hard for me.  haha.  Welp, as they say, "Sucks to suck."

In all seriousness though, with two days left in my time here in Asia, what sort of take away should I draw from this experience?  Perhaps a confession is needed.  It's all too easy to say when I get back, "Look at me, look at all that I've done, praise me."  Though, it might be better to make it sound less self-righteous; the effect is the same even if the words are softened.  Many, I'll include myself in this generalization, take their experiences overseas as a point of exaltation.  It's a tight rope to walk:  encouraging others to take steps of faith within their God-given calling and turning it around and making our missions trips a point of praise and chest-pumping.  Church, School, and Friends sometimes get it wrong.  Missions is not about going places.  It's not about, what "we" can do for others.  It's not even about others.  Consider 1 Corinthians 10:31, "Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for God's glory (HCSB)."  It stands to ask do we eat, drink, play, say, enjoy, hate, and love to God's glory? Do we work for His glory?  Do we spread the Gospel for His glory?  Do we take tests for His glory?  Do we raise children for His glory?  Do we go to the restroom for His glory?  Do we have sex or date for God's glory?  Whatever we do, whatever God has called us to, we MUST do it for His glory.  There is no other reason, than this.  We were created for His glory.  Our purpose on Earth is to give God glory.

As a result of this perspective, perhaps I should confess a few things.  I feel that many of my blog posts have painted myself as someone who has it right, and you, the audience, have it wrong.  This is not always the case, and it is a motivation that is sinful and incorrect.  So instead of preaching and talking, let me show you what it means to live life to God's glory.

The first person I want you to meet is Professor John Suppe.  He is a geologist from Princeton University, studying plate tectonics and their effect on the social and environmental growth of Taiwan.  He is the most godly and gracious person I've ever met bar-none.  Despite being supported by an Ivy League institution, he prefers to walk or bike to work.  He will usually wake bright and early in the morning and begin a sort of prayer walk through Taipei on his way to work.  Everyday God leads him down a different path, meeting different people, all of them unique opportunities to share with them the love of God.

The second person you should get to know is Erich Schindler.  He is a church-planter from Germany.  Besides serving occasionally at Truth Lutheran, He is currently working on planting a radical new type of Church.  A modern day interpretation of a 1st Century house church.  I know, it's not new.  I know that in China this type of church is foundational to the amazing growth.  To him church must be more than a mere building where self-righteous people meet during various days of the week.  The Church must be dynamically involved in the lives of every community member, period.  The moment the Church ceases to be a community of sinners intimately in-tune with the needs of their host community, that is the moment the Church dies.  There should never be a question of who, because the Church will.  Who will take care of the poor, needy and hungry?  The Church will.  Who will care for the widow or widower?  The Church will.  Who look after the orphan and abandoned?  The Church will.  Who will show God's love to the naked and homeless?  By God's grace, the Church will.  Who will love and care for those terminally sick and at death's door?  The Church will.  Who will have the heart to look after the servant working class and those taken advantage of?  With God's help, the Church will.  The Church will.  The Church will.  Since when did the Church lose touch and become a place where self-righteous people met and complained over what they didn't have or what God didn't do or give them?  Try complaining in front of the orphan who is living without a mother and father.  Try complaining in front of the widow struggling to feed 3 children with 2 jobs.  Try complaining to a daughter living the nightmare of having to wake up to an uncle or father who rapes and beats her.  Try complaining to the boy who is suffering from the last stages of terminal Cancer with weeks to live.  Try complaining to the homeless woman who has never known the joys of a warm bed and a hot meal. Try complaining when serving the LORD in context of the needy, helpless, hopeless, and godless.  In this context, whatever meaningless shortcoming that we have no longer matters, in light of the hurting and needy.

The third person you need to get to know is Joseph Graham.  He's a History major from Crown College.  To him every life is a story.  History, then, is a montage, a kaleidoscope comprising of  every individual's life story building a mosaic that displays the face of God.  Everyone has a story; everyone has an experience to tell.  What can we learn from past experiences?  What can God teach us about Himself through history?  Oh the riches of the glory of God's grace displayed in wondrous miracles worked out through broken jars of clay.

These are just three people.  Three testimonies.  You don't have to travel far.  You don't have to travel at all.  The key is the motivation.  Why do we do what we do?  If you are a doctor, heal the sick, give life to the dying, and serve the helpless with the grace that Christ had when he healed the sick and gave new life to the dead--for God's glory.  If you are a politician, serve unfortunate of the world and give them the tools and the opportunities to improve themselves--for God's glory.  If you are a lawyer, protect the innocent, serve the voiceless, and fight for justice where ever it might be violated--for God's glory.  And if you are a counselor or therapist, selflessly give hope to the hopeless and the despairing, those struggling to find the will to live and exist--for God's glory.  We all have our callings in life, but we have a choice to make:  to live for Christ or myself.  Every moment a choice, every path a fork:  do I give God the glory here in this situation, do I show this individual the glory of God, or do I shut him out and turn off the light?  I don't know about you, but I can't help but get excited to live life, living for God's glory.

Date:  Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Day 133 of 149

This week marks the end of the month of fasting that we've all been participating in at TLC.  As such, I thought it would be fitting for me to share with you all some of my meditations for the blog this week.  I also want to take a moment now and thank you all so much for your prayers and financial support these past few months.  As my time here in Asia comes to a close, my heart overflows with thankfulness to all of you who made this experience possible.
____________________

"Future Hope in the midst of present Suffering"

Ezekiel 11:17-21

Therefore say, ‘Thus says the Lord God: I will gather you from the peoples and assemble you out of the countries where you have been scattered, and I will give you the land of Israel. ’ 18 And when they come there, they will remove from it all its detestable things and all its abominations. 19 And I will give them one heart, and a new spirit I will put within them. I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh, 20 that they may walk in my statutes and keep my rules and obey them. And they shall be my people, and I will be their God. 21 But as for those whose heart goes after their detestable things and their abominations, I will bring their deeds upon their own heads, declares the Lord God.”

Just when all hope seems lost, when the LORD seems enveloped in a stream of curses and judgments which began with the nation, then moved to national leaders, and then ended with the people, the LORD takes a brief moment, just a few verses, to remind the reader and the prophet Ezekiel of HIS promises to the nation.  Remember My Covenant.  Remember My grace.  Remember My justice.  Remember My holiness.  Remember this:  one day, in the future, "I will give them one heart, and a new spirit I will put within them.  I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh, that they may walk in my statutes and keep my rules and obey them. And they shall be my people, and I will be their God."  Don't forget.  Remember My promise.

In times of distress and pain, it can be all too easy to forget who we are and who God is.  It is too easy to forget what was promised.  It is too easy to point and judge.  Noise, thunder, lightning, and pain.  In these conditions it can be hard to hear a voice speaking softly.  When all we want to do is shout and scream, it can be hard to stay silent and listen.  But here in this emotional state, silence is what we need.

It's easy to shout and judge, but much harder to remain silent and submit yourself to the LORD's timing.  Don't be hasty.  Just wait.  How long?  However long it needs to take.  Thus, the question becomes, what do you do while you wait?  Worship, praise, and exalt a glorious God.  When you open your eyes to see specific ways in which to praise God in the midst of difficult times you unwittingly put yourself in a position to be able to hear and receive the Word of the LORD.

LORD, You are good and your Mercies endure forever.  May all praise and glory be Yours now and forevermore.  Nations rise and fall in a heartbeat, but Your kingdom reigns forever.  Human achievements can be overshadowed, extraordinary feats can seem bland and ordinary, but You GOD are marvelous and beautiful.  Nothing compares to the joy, satisfaction, and peace that are found beneath the Cross of Christ.  It is there that things earthly and man-made fade into the background and true beauty and true love radiate forth and cast all fears aside.

Be near.  Open my eyes to the truth that can be found in You. Open my heart to feel the pain and hurt that you have for all those that lack.  I pray for the orphaned, either through war, famine, or abandonment.  I pray for the widowed and the widower.  I pray for these that have lost friends and family to war, famine, sin, and disease.  I pray for those impacted by a fallen human nature:  those suffering addictions and mental illness.

Most of all LORD, God, I pray for those who are separated from you by sin, those lost sheep. Oh, LORD, give me a heart and a passion for those people.  Guide my hands and lead my feet to bring joy and peace to those previously mentioned.  May this be my guide whenever I lose sight:  John 10:14-16, 

"14 I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, 15 just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep. 16 And I have other sheep that are not of this fold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to my voice. So there will be one flock, one shepherd."

What's Next?

Date:  Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Day 126 of 149

2.5 weeks left.  I suppose I should be more excited than I feel right now.  I seems the day my parents left, the moment they shut the door, I had begun to long for this moment to come:  the chance to begin looking back, instead of forward into the unknown.  My how your perspective changes as you let the God of this universe have free reign on your life.  I wonder if this is how Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, Samuel, David, and Jesus felt after their various challenges.  Emotion and tears are so different now.  Previously it was sinful; now, it is worshipful.  Pride versus Reverence.  Ignorant stubbornness versus Faith-produced Humility.

I guess now would be a good time to address the "What next?" question.  After all this--I naively put God to the test, "You want me to take life by the horns, give up friends, family, and comfort, and step out in faith?  You better make this worth it."  And oh did He ever--what now?  I imagine every prophet, judge, king, priest, soldier, and shepherd that was ever affected by God had this on his mind as his mission came to an "end."  Did Joseph's faith change when he was appointed as the second most powerful man in all the known world?  How did Abraham feel when he finally arrived in "the promised land."  Did Jesus do a fist pump when He arrived in Heaven after the Ascension?  These are the pillars of our Faith, crowd of witnesses.  What needs to change so that we don't forget the lessons we've learned all along our journey?  We tend to throw phrases around not really knowing their meaning, their power.  Phrases like, "live for HIS glory," "live to reflect HIS love," "as for me and my household we will serve the LORD," and "live by faith."  Do really know what these mean?  Do we really care if we get it right, or if we fail?  What if we fail?  What if these questions are accompanied by a God who appears remarkably silent and unresponsive the moments we need Him the most?  What then?

It would be foolish not to direct those questions at myself.  I'll begin by answering an important question that until recently has remained unknown:  Why?  Why, did I travel thousands of miles away to do what could have been done, closer, cheaper, and easier?  To paraphrase a well known hot rodder, Randy Grubb--Life is not about destinations but journeys.  Taking the backroads; not the highways.  After, what some might call a colored college experience, I decided to take the plunge.  Take what I thought I knew about life and run with it; see what could happen.  Not sure if it was me or God that drove my decision, I guess looking back it definitely was God.  This is not a tale of conversion or a prodigal returning home.  But a research vessel taking the plunge into the deep unknown.  I felt an inkling a tug to go.  Not sure where, not sure how.  I just knew after my college experience I still had some things to figure out.  Asking, searching, seeking, everything seemed to turn up empty, rejected.  Was I right?  No, not me--God.  That is the hinge, focal point, emphasis, reality, and sustenance:  no, not me, GOD.  When all had failed, and my world like a house of cards seemed moments from collapse:  graduation day, reality.  God answered with a question:  Taiwan?

I imagine all those stalwarts of our faith experienced that question:  The Ark?; The Promise Land?; Shechem?; Egypt?; The king's court?; and The Cross?  Forget events or places, people as much as events can be tests of faith:  Abel? Ruth? Delilah?  Bathsheba? Judas? Peter?  So we all seek to know God's will for our lives.  Desire it so much sometimes we lust for it.  But when it comes, if it is revealed, and we are tested, what then?  Are we bold enough, strong enough to endure?  Many of those mentioned in the Hall of Faith are failures, imperfect sinners.  Just like you and me.  So what makes them special?  Why the careful inclusion and exclusion?  Why are some greats left out?  Job?  Boaz?  Esther?  Hezekiah?  Josiah?  Marry the mother of Jesus?  We don't like flawed heroes.  Perhaps that's why the TV show, The Game of Thrones, is so polarizing.  Heroes and Types are meant to be exceptions to the rule not follow it.  But that's the point.  Flawed humans, flawed heroes all serve the same purpose:  emphasize the absurdity of the Salvation narrative, that a perfect God would use flawed individuals to bring about the salvation of an imperfect and sinful people.

Let's return the original question:  what now?  Well, literally?  I guess it started a few weeks ago when I began asking God what next?  You see, acts of faith don't stop after a certain point in our relationship with God; they continue.  Opportunities to apply and use our learned skills will continue to be presented.  And, inevitably, we will be continually reminded of our sinful nature and inability to succeed apart from Christ.  The change is our attitude--trembling with excitement and anticipation--and willingness to continue asking the question--What's next?--whenever applicable.  That is the difference.  Patience is the difference.  Question of how long or to what extent, no longer matter.  Details can be left out, but it won't matter.  What does is His answer.  If that is the goal, the destination, what of the journey?  What of Patience?  It all depends upon our perception of time.  If so, what clock do we use?  As we mature and grow:  as we slowly and terrifyingly loose our death gripe around our lives, Digital, Analog, Satellite, and Atomic watches all fade into the background and our Spiritual Clock comes to the foreground.  That is the goal of each and every test:  the syncing of our spiritual clocks to the Heavenly Timezone sin has endeavored to cloud over and muddle.  And when this happens, look out world.

                                                          How are your clocks?